On turning 40 at the seashore

I turned 40 in July and celebrated with a holiday to the seaside. We stayed at the Haven site at Mablethorpe on the beautiful Lincolnshire coast. We’ve stayed there several times before and both love the long beaches and wildlife contrasted with enjoying seaside doughnuts and Bingo.

What a strange week it was. It was tipping it down when we got there and it stayed that way for several days, there was even hail at one point and storms. We arrived on Friday evening and by Monday morning after two days of heavy rain and both feeling ill we were starting to feel a longing for home. However we agreed to try and pick ourselves up and enjoy ourselves and ended up having a really fun holiday.

My favourite thing was lots of barefoot walking on the beach, paddling and avoiding a lot of jelly fish washed up on the shore, calling out “Code Wobbly!” when we saw one in our path. I enjoyed visiting Skegness and scoffing fried to order gluten free doughnuts, playing prize Bingo and walking on the pier. We found a new to us beach by following a deer – how magical! – and saw wild seals in Mablethorpe.

On the lead up to my birthday I was feeling some low spirits, and the night before I really did think I'd have to just get through the next day, but Mr Crafty Blueberry had different plans truly spoilt me on my birthday with Prosecco and pastries for breakfast and two very special gifts; ruby stud earrings (ruby for July and 40) and a Polaroid camera. The camera is a wonderful novelty and I was touched that he remembered me mentioning it months ago. I’d heard a YouTuber talking about how he had one he liked to use for special occasions as it’s so easy to mindlessly take digital photos that we barely register what we’re doing, and rarely print them out or look back on them. Also when you take a phone photo it’s automatically backed up in Google, so you never fully own your own photos. The Polaroid camera is chunky and heavy and the film is expensive so I know it will be for special occasions. I cherish the handful of snaps I’ve already taken.

So much rain

It was great having the simple seaside birthday I’d wanted, right down to the homemade burgers by Colin accompanied by celebratory champagne. Did it take the edge off turning 40? Seeing as the lead up to my birthday saw me feeling increasingly flat and I ended up really enjoying the day yes, it helped me to get over the down in the dumps feeling.

In Spring I closed my business and in Summer I had a milestone birthday; the two combined have been enough to get me questioning myself and my decisions, my future direction and how I think about life. I’ve spent my whole life striving for something, first trying to keep up at school then to overcome depression, then to reach some financial security and finally to find a purpose. This last one I tried to access through a career in coaching, and it was a great experience but it turned out not to give me the focussed sense of purpose I yearned for.

Am I still seeking that sense of purpose? I think I am, but I’m no longer relying on a career to deliver it. We’re sold the belief that the main or sole sense of purpose in our life is to be found through a career, but that’s a very modern idea and linked closely with the belief that work is intrinsically a force for good. But we’re far more than just what we do to earn money, and meaning doesn’t have to be found through a career. So…yes, I still do feel like I want that feeling of purpose and meaning but I’m no longer convinced that it’s there to be found, I don’t even know if it’s really as important as we all think it is.